Hello and welcome back to another info topic of the day with your neighborhood friendly mod/Dom/Daddy/Sadist/Rigger! If you haven’t read the post from last week yet, please do! It was about Dom Frenzy, it can be found here:
So let’s jump right into it! Last week we talked about the dangers and pitfalls of Dom Frenzy, along with exactly what it was. This week we’re going to focus on the other side of the slash and talk about sub frenzy. In a lot of ways, this is even more dangerous than Dom Frenzy.
So what exactly is sub frenzy? Well similar to Dom Frenzy, sub frenzy is when someone is newly entering into this lifestyle as a submissive and is eager to try new things. Eagerness is not a bad thing at all, and we want to encourage everyone to explore and grow. We just want everyone to do it in a safe manner. The eagerness to try all of the various things, and to find out your own limits can be enticing, scary and exciting, all at the same time. It’s like being in the best kinky candy store ever!! Look at this! Look at that! What are they doing over there? OMG what are they hitting that person with? I could never do that!! Or could I? How is that even possible? OMG HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?? I wish I had a Dom!
Do any of these things sound familiar to you? They should. Everyone goes through a frenzy when they first join the lifestyle. It’s new. It’s exciting! It’s scary! You’re eager to find out what your limits are. You’re eager to serve and be a submissive. You have thoughts and dreams about what your Dom or Daddy is going to be like. You start daydreaming about your first scene. You start buying toys! Oh so many toys!
Maybe you start buying rope and start practicing ties on yourself. You start talking to anyone that says they’re a Dom(me). And as long as they sound legit, you start thinking, maybe this is the ONE! I can’t wait to play! This is really going to happen!!
Slow down. Take a step back. I know how exciting it can be but not every top is going to have your best interest at heart or mind. There are a lot of predators in this lifestyle. People that say they’re Tops solely because they think they can use that position to take advantage of new bottoms, just like you.
Jumping into play can be extremely dangerous. Here’s what you should do and what you should look out for.
Tops that say that safe words aren’t necessary. RUN! As fast as your little feet will take you, RUN as far as you can. Safe words exist for a reason, they are their for not only your safety but for the safety of the Top as well. As a Top, I’ve used safe words to signify the end of play because I noticed that my bottom was at a stopping point but was unable to articulate it properly.
Tops that don’t understand aftercare! Aftercare is not optional! Aftercare is required to help re-orient not only the sub but the Dom as well. During a scene, especially an intense scene that involves lengthy time in rope or impact, the rush of endorphins and then the sudden change in chemicals can cause a severe whiplash type of effect on a brain. Every person is different and I’ve worked with some who have said they don’t need aftercare but checking in regardless is crucial to the safety of everyone involved.
Finally fake Doms! Unfortunately, not everyone in this lifestyle has your best interest at heart and not everyone has the same level of experience and understanding to keep you safe. Some are predators that sees bottoms in this lifestyle as easy prey. And the truth of the matter is, subs going through frenzy tend to be less discerning when picking partners. Not every Dom is a true Dom. Not everyone who plays with rope is a rigger and knows what they’re doing. Get references. If they say they’re involved in the community then they should be able to point you in the right direction.
There should be a negotiation. You should talk through your limits and their limits. There should be a clear understanding of what a scene will look like and after a scene, there should be a review to make sure that everything went according to plan.
One thing I like to say is that you will learn more about the other person in 3 months within a dynamic then you would in a full year during a normal relationship. So guard yourself, guard your heart and take your time.
at nerve travels down the whole length of your lower body. Damaging that nerve can mean a lifetime of pain for that little. Anyone can grab a paddle and swing as hard as they can. That doesn’t mean they’re a sadist and that doesn’t mean they know what they’re doing.
These are a few examples of Doms jumping in because they’re so excited about the lifestyle. Frenzy is just that. It’s chaotic and it’s the feeding of the excitement by jumping in without having a full understanding of what you’re jumping into.
You need to slow down, take a step back and educate yourself so that when you do start playing and getting into relationships, you are doing it safely. This lifestyle is all about Safe, Sane and Consensual.
So if you are a new Dom/Daddy or you’re working with a new one, here are some things to look out for and be aware of.
Safe words: These are not optional! They are there for the safety of both the Top and the Bottom. And yes Tops can call safe words too. This lifestyle is all about Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC) and safe words are a big part of that. I have been doing this for a LONG time and I am an expert at impact play, I still use safe words. They’re there for a reason.
Negotiations: Prior to any play or before starting any type of relationship, you must clearly communicate expectations. There are some that say they can wing it and adjust as they go. I can tell you that bottoms aren’t always able to communicate what they’re feeling or thinking during the middle of a scene, especially if they go into subspace.
Aftercare: Yes, it’s true, not all bottoms need aftercare but it’s not just for the bottoms! Tops need aftercare too! Sub Drop and Dom Drop are very real and serious mental health issues that can have serious detrimental long term effects. So ignoring aftercare is both irresponsible and potentially dangerous.
Training: If you are a new Dom/Daddy, you should look into getting some proper training. Especially when it comes to Impact play or anything to do with rope. There are some serious physical damage that can be done to your bottom if done incorrectly. Ask someone more experienced, find a local club or group or find an online group like this one and ask questions!
Learning about this lifestyle is extremely exciting! I know! You’re finding out a part of your true inner self. I am a Daddy. I am a Sadist. I am a Dominant. Those three statements make up my true inner core. Ignoring or hiding any aspect of those three in my life today would be like cutting out a part of myself. So I get it. It’s exciting and I’m super excited for you! Just keep it safe, sane and consensual and have a great time!