So what exactly is frenzy? Frenzy is that exciting stage when you’re first starting out in the lifestyle and decide that you want to do EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW!!!!
So what’s going on with Doms exactly and how does this impact you? Inexperienced and new Doms are eager to learn and to try new things. Unfortunately, they don’t have the experience necessary to always keep things safe for their partners. And without a good mentor or an experienced bottom to help guide them, this because a potentially dangerous game of trial and error.
It’s very exciting when you first learn about this lifestyle and all of the various aspects within the lifestyle! So many cool things! I remember when I first came into it a LONG time ago, I wanted to do EVERYTHING, and I’m still learning new things to this day. You can’t be all thing. You can be multiple things but you can’t be everything. This is something new Doms need to learn. You need to learn what your niche is and get really good at it.
So what exactly is Dom Frenzy? It’s when you are so excited about all the new things that you’re learning about the lifestyle that you just jump right into things without taking the time to educate yourself properly about what it is you’re doing. In the process, potentially hurting yourself or your bottom. Lets look at some examples to help get a better understanding of what this might look like.
The first example I like to use is playing with ropes. We’ve all played with restraints in the bedroom but when it comes to serious rope play in the lifestyle it can get complicated and beautiful. It’s really tempting to go buy rope and to just start tying up your partner. Watch a few youtube videos here and there and you can learn the basic ties and even come up with one that looks good. But if you use the wrong rope, if you don’t understand how blood flow and nerves work, you can seriously injure your partner. It can be something as simple as losing feeling in a limb for a few hours, to losing feeling and the ability to use a limb for months. In a worse case scenario, you can cause necrosis to set in and your partner can lose that limb. That’s why it’s important to know what type of rope to use (never use a rope with a core), where to tie (avoid major arteries and nerve clusters) and always have medical shears nearby to cut your partner out of the ropes as fast as you can.
What else can happen? Sometimes, when you find out that you’re a Dom or Daddy, you want to go find a sub or a little and make them your own ASAP. As a Daddy, there is nothing I cherish more than having a little of my own. I love hearing her call me Daddy and I personally love taking care of a little. It makes me feel whole. One thing I tell all new littles is that our relationship is going to be extremely unique. Normally you find out more about your partner in a matter 3 months or so, what normally takes the average couple a year or more to learn about each other. Sharing all of that information and getting that intimate with one another is not only a huge exercise in trust but also an opportunity for very unique feelings to arise from that relationship. If you’re not aware of the impact this could potentially have on your bottom, then you can cause some extreme mental and emotional harm to that person. They’re placing an enormous amount of trust in you. Unless you’re strictly in a play relationship, you are going to develop an emotional bond that is going to be completely different then anything you have ever experienced. And they’re looking to you, as the Top to guard and protect that trust and those emotions. It’s fun to have someone submit to you. But understanding the gravity of that submission and the gift that it truly is, is what makes this relationship special.
I have seen a lot of tops and bottoms rush into a relationship because they want to be a Dom or Sub or whatever and then when the relationship ends, regardless of how short it may be, they are crushed because they didn’t realize how much of themselves they give to the other person.
Final example would be impact play. As a Sadist, hitting someone, hearing them squeel, seeing them squirm and seeing the bruises develop is extremely exciting and satisfying. But you are causing physical harm on another person. You are causing physical trauma on another human being. You need to understand the difference between stingy and thuddy hits. You need to understand the difference between surface bruising and muscle bruising. You need to understand where you can hit, and with what implement. Because once again, if you do not, then you can cause severe damage to your bottom. Hit the wrong area and you can damage the sciatic nerve. That nerve travels down the whole length of your lower body. Damaging that nerve can mean a lifetime of pain for that little. Anyone can grab a paddle and swing as hard as they can. That doesn’t mean they’re a sadist and that doesn’t mean they know what they’re doing.
These are a few examples of Doms jumping in because they’re so excited about the lifestyle. Frenzy is just that. It’s chaotic and it’s the feeding of the excitement by jumping in without having a full understanding of what you’re jumping into.
You need to slow down, take a step back and educate yourself so that when you do start playing and getting into relationships, you are doing it safely. This lifestyle is all about Safe, Sane and Consensual.
So if you are a new Dom/Daddy or you’re working with a new one, here are some things to look out for and be aware of.
Safe words: These are not optional! They are there for the safety of both the Top and the Bottom. And yes Tops can call safe words too. This lifestyle is all about Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC) and safe words are a big part of that. I have been doing this for a LONG time and I am an expert at impact play, I still use safe words. They’re there for a reason.
Negotiations: Prior to any play or before starting any type of relationship, you must clearly communicate expectations. There are some that say they can wing it and adjust as they go. I can tell you that bottoms aren’t always able to communicate what they’re feeling or thinking during the middle of a scene, especially if they go into subspace.
Aftercare: Yes, it’s true, not all bottoms need aftercare but it’s not just for the bottoms! Tops need aftercare too! Sub Drop and Dom Drop are very real and serious mental health issues that can have serious detrimental long term effects. So ignoring aftercare is both irresponsible and potentially dangerous.
Training: If you are a new Dom/Daddy, you should look into getting some proper training. Especially when it comes to Impact play or anything to do with rope. There are some serious physical damage that can be done to your bottom if done incorrectly. Ask someone more experienced, find a local club or group or find an online group like this one and ask questions!
Learning about this lifestyle is extremely exciting! I know! You’re finding out a part of your true inner self. I am a Daddy. I am a Sadist. I am a Dominant. Those three statements make up my true inner core. Ignoring or hiding any aspect of those three in my life today would be like cutting out a part of myself. So I get it. It’s exciting and I’m super excited for you! Just keep it safe, sane and consensual and have a great time!